By Simon Clarke | Posted: Wednesday March 27, 2019
"Chill out!"
I recently attended the Nigel Latta parenting seminar at Otago Boys High School which was a highly entertaining and insightful evening.
His big message was as parents we all need to chill out more and not stress about every little thing. One of the funnier lines was that the majority of parents don't have the fortitude and persistence to really mess our kids up. He then delved into that deeper by explaining that after years of dealing with some of New Zealand's worst offenders, their path to criminality began in completely dysfunctional homes. We all have bad days but their every day was a bad day.
The second theme was the importance of a growth mind set and the importance that we can all play in this. The following is directly quoted from Nigel Latta facebook post.
"Carol Dweck is a psychologist and researcher who’s spent her career looking at how children, and adults, approach the business of learning. It would appear that all of us bring one of two different mindsets to learning.
The first is a ‘fixed’ mindset where the person believes that intelligence and talent are essentially fixed, and unchangeable. In this view you’re either smart or you’re dumb, talented or untalented. Fixed mindset people don’t like challenges, criticism, or being around successful people because all these things simply reinforce their mindset that they’re not smart. They don’t see the point in effort either, because if you can’t do something, you can’t do it. Why would I practice guitar if I’m not talented? Failure is terrible because failure means you’re dumb, and because of that you avoid anything challenging.
The second is a ‘growth’ mindset where you believe that intelligence and talent are changeable and in your own control. Growth mindset people welcome challenges, criticism and successful people because these are all opportunities to learn. They like putting in effort because effort leads to mastery. Failure simply means you need to learn a new strategy, so you seek out new and interesting problems.
The amazing thing is that all of us can help our kids to develop a growth mindset. How? Simple, don’t tell them they did well in school because they’re smart, or talented, instead tell them they did well because they worked hard. Similarly don’t tell them they didn’t do well in maths because some people just can’t do maths… tell them they just need a different strategy, or more practice, or both.
You should always link outcome to effort. The messages you give them should be all about seeing themselves as being in the process of developing skills rather than being smart or being talented. Not being able to do something isn’t bad, and it doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do that thing… instead it means you have a chance to learn a whole new skill. That new skill might be maths, spelling, sports, music, or even talking to people and making friends.
It sounds counterintuitive that telling kids they’re smart is unhelpful, but Dweck’s research outlines quite clearly that it has the opposite effect to what we want. It doesn’t build confidence, it undermines it.
Remember… always link outcome to effort. If you practice you will get better. If you put more effort in you will get better. If you are putting lots of effort in and you’re not achieving then it doesn’t mean you can’t do it, it just means you need a better strategy.
Her book, Mindset: How you can fulfill your potential is a very readable and helpful guide to teaching your kids (and maybe even yourself) to develop a growth mindset."
The third and final take away from the seminar was the importance of Mindfullness. If Latta was Prime Minister he proclaimed that the first thing he would do would be to bring Mindfullness into every school in New Zealand. This improves the ability for children to deal with anxiety, stress and depression.
We are currently trialing a relaxation programme in two of our classrooms which will touch on mindfullness as one technique to improve the anxiety levels and techniques for coping with stress. We hope to bring you more information about our results in the near future.
Kind regards
Simon Clarke